i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
