I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
