I need to stop coming to work sober
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
