Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
