the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
