All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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