there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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