That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
