i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
