Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
