John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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