I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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