Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
