Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
