We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
