please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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