Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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