Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
