My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You did what with his pubic hair?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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