Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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