mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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