oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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