My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
What changed your mind?
Being sober
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize