Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
