i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
