Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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