Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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