Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
