I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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