Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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