remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
