If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
