I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
