ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
