i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
