Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
