I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Screwed.edu
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
