I CAN MOONWALK!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize