You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
