When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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