i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
