smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
