So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Randomize
