I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
