took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
