coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
