Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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