I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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