i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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