: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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