So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
