I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
