I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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