I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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