My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
