last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
