nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
