I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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