im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
