Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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