We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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