you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
