hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
