god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
