if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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