First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
