i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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