He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
