I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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