You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
