So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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