Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
