I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
